I can't remember when I first heard this question, I am sure it was in a book I read. The question was this: " Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy." For the last few days I have answered this question with a resounding, "I want to be happy!". After engaging in multiple screaming sessions and acting totally out of character, I made a choice to be the bigger person, and I made the choice to be happy, regardless of how anyone else decided to act. Look, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that overnight I turned into little Miss Holy. I will be the first to admit that God still has a lot of perfecting to do in me. What is true is that in the last few days I suddenly have a new and better attitude, and having not felt this good in quite some time, I have to tell you that I definitely like feeling like this a lot better.
A lot of us take the bait in life. People and their negativity will always try to reel you in to some type of negative exchange. We are humans, and we often fall for it. The reason for this is that we want to be right, we want to get the last word, and we do not want to feel like someone is dominating us.
I for one have a huge problem with people trying to "control" me or talking to me any old way. I was not raised in an environment where it was okay to turn the other cheek. Where I grew up, if you turned the other cheek it was guaranteed that you would be bullied and beat up after school everyday. Not only was I raised in a tough city, I also wound up in an abusive relationship for a few years. I promised myself I would never let any man dominate or control me. With this attitude I successfully built a super tough exterior shell. My thought process when my husband says something I do not like is to say in my head, "Who does he think he's talking to? He ain't gonna talk to ME like that." Therein lies the problem.
My automatic reaction when someone says something I don't like is to get defensive, angry, and ready to lash out to defend my "place" or honor. To let someone talk smart to you means you are "weak", a wimp, a spineless coward. So when someone gets smart with me, I give it back. A lot of us do this. Although I might take it to the extreme, many of us have the same response of wanting to retaliate when we feel we have been wronged or someone has said or done something to hurt us. With this mental attitude,we are concerned with everything BUT being happy. If we have to be miserable, it doesn't matter, because at least we got our point across and spoke our minds.
Falling into this trap is what has cause me the most trouble. I am sure you have heard it before but I really want to emphasize that being happy is a choice. The human reaction is to lash out, and retaliate. The SUPERhuman reaction is to rise above your initial reaction and take the high road. This can be so tricky when we are already trained and accustomed to doing things the old way. For someone like me, who feels very disrespected when someone gets smart with me, it is proving to be a challenge to turn the other cheek. The amazing thing, however, is that instead of feeling like a wimp or coward for letting an argument go without taking the bait, is that I actually feel stronger for not engaging in confrontation. Every time I ignore a smart comment, or respond to a smart word with a happy one, I find myself getting stronger.
The Bible verse that has been helping me is Proverbs 16:32:
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city
Tell me that's not deep! What God is telling me is that I don't need to raise my voice, and act big and bad to be strong. The strongest person is determined by their ability to rise above the human emotions and reactions. What it all boils down to is that I am sick and tired of crying and being down. I need to start speaking life into my situations, instead of having a "woe is me" attitude.
I do hope that if you are going through similar situations in your marriage that you can take something away from reading this. It helps to know that you are not the only one going through a struggle. Do always remember that the enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy. Fight back with the word and prayer. I believe that God is going to pour His Spirit out on you, and bring peace to your marriage, but you need to make a conscious choice to let negativity come out the mouth, and fall to the floor. Don't let it penetrate your soul, don't let it pop your peaceful bubble. If someone wants to act simple, let them act simple all alone. You don't have to join them. Until next time, peace and blessings.
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