My first question is this: Should we really be surprised? First off, I am not a big fan of mega churches and mega rich pastors. If the news were that he had ripped his congregation out of millions of dollars, I would not have batted an eye. I would have expected it. Undoubtedly, this news did come as a big surprise. Bishop Eddie Long, gay? Hold up, let's rewind. I have watched the Bishop on tv in the past, and he looked like a macho man to me. He didn't seem effeminate at all, I mean, he's married for God's sake!
I don't want to jump conclusions. There is a chance (though slim) that this is merely a publicity stunt, or a way to make some quick cash. Word has it that the accusers do not have pristine track records. The silence from Eddie, however, is definitely adding fuel to the fire, and raising more than a few eyebrows. Where are you Eddie? We are waiting for you to state your case. Hiding away, trying to get your story together, is making you look very bad.
The biggest question, if these allegations prove to be true, is where does this leave the church now? I'm not talking about the black church or the white church, but the Whole church? We live in a time when people are losing faith in Christianity and Christian people. We are ridiculed, reviled, and made to feel like hatemongers because we have morals and are not (most of us anyhow) concerned with political correctness. In general, we aren't liked or respected very much. I have to say, considering the state of our churches, and the people who are supposed to be our leaders, I can't blame non-Christians for not holding us in high esteem.
Pastors with mega churches plopped in the middle of poverty and ghettos give the church a bad name. Pastors with mega mansions, who have a congregation of poor and needy people are open game to jokes and ridicule. I know, I know...God wants to bless us, God wants to give us our hearts desire, but does the Bible not say, "Give me neither poverty, nor riches-feed me with the food allotted me." Proverbs 30:8? I truly believe God wants to bless us, but I think too many people are concerned with monetary blessings and not spiritual blessings. Mega pastors perpetuate the myth that church leaders are sneaky, insincere, money grubbing frauds. So I ask again, where does this leave the church?
If people can't trust pastors, our spiritual leaders, who can they trust? I am not implying that pastors need to be perfect. I am smart enough to not put all my trust in a human, no matter how snazzy a suit they are wearing or how great they are at creating a good sermon. What I do expect is that pastors have the basic components that make a good Christian-compassion, sincerity, moral values, a heart to help the needy, and a yearning to do right by Christ. Minor misgivings, like smoking a cigarette or having the occasional drink are expected, but running around making babies with someone you aren't married to, or having homosexual sex? Get real! If you know you aren't living a decent Christian life than get off your high horse, and turn the church over to someone who hasn't been poisoned by greed and the need to be admired by people.
You know, I think these leaders start off with the best of intentions, I really do. I think they start off with a desire to serve God and do his work. But something happens when a church starts to grow and multiply. When a person looks out at his congregation and sees the rows filling up week after week, when the church has to keep expanding to keep up with the hungry souls who are flocking in, this does something to a church leader. Somewhere along the line, they lose sight of the reason they became pastors. They begin to like the admiration, the flocks of people looking up to them. They become full of pride as people come to them for help with their problems, or when people are eager and desperate to be in their presence. As the money rolls in they might start thinking, "Hey, I kind of like this. Him, God wants me to be wealthy!" And so the fall begins.
Only time will tell if the serious allegations against Bishop Eddie Long are true. Even if they prove to be false, I think the church as a whole needs to take this as a lesson. Members of churches must stop lifting pastors onto pedestals. They must have the wool ripped from their eyes. They must stop giving away their money, without asking for accountability. It doesn't make you a bad Christian if you want to know what your tithe money is being used for. It doesn't make you a bad Christian if you find something odd about a pastor having a jet plane or charging people to come see him preach. We need to come back to Christ, the author and finisher of our faith. Bless those pastors and preachers who are doing the work of God faithfully, and for all the others, I hope God forgives you for deceiving His people.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
God in a busy world
Lately I have been so confused about what direction to take in my life. Having begun school again, full time, I am feeling a lot of pressure and stress. I feel like I am pulled in two different directions. There is a part of me that wants to finish school, by any means necessary. There is another part of me that wants the instant gratification, the side of me that wants to sleep in and spend my time doing fun things, not reading boring books for school. That same side of me knows that if I wasn't investing so much time on school and school related activities, I could get a second job or a better job, and have more income.
I want my children to see me succeed. I want them to see that despite the fact we live in a very poor city, where most of the people barely graduate high school, that a person can beat the odds. Getting a degree would obviously mean more money, but then there are different ways to get more money that do not involve hour upon hour of sitting in classes and getting lectured. What is the real motivation, I wonder? The motivation is what puzzles me. If I don't know why I am getting a degree, or if the motivation seems superficial, than why am I still pursuing it after so many years?
This is where God comes in, or where He should come in anyway. I admit, my relationship with the Lord has not been what it was a few years ago, or what it could be if I put forth a little more effort. Sure, I say a quick prayer on the ride to work, and every now and then, if I am feeling very energized, I might even spend fifteen minutes reading the Bible and talking to God. For the most part though, my efforts to get to know God on an intimate level again, have been lacking. Not having God be a constant part of my daily life has affected me greatly, yet I still find that I am stuck.
There was a time, before I got married, when God was my all. I was a single mother of two with a very low income. I had no choice but to turn to God and trust in Him to provide for me and my children. During this time I spent hours praying, I devoted so much time to getting to know God and fixing myself. I got to know God in an intimate way that many people never bother to pursue. Even though money was tight and oftentimes things seemed to be falling apart, during this time I had utter faith that God would come through-and He did, time and time again.
I long for those days when my faith took me places the physical realm would not. I long for the days when I had peace, no matter what was going on around me, when I had a constant reassurance that things would turn out okay. It's not that I no longer believe God, but rather that the faith I have now is diluted a bit, watered down with the cares of this world. When God was number one, I didn't spend hours debating if a choice I was making or thinking to make was the correct choice. I would pray about it, ask God for guidance, He would lead me and there would be peace. I knew the decisions I was making were the right ones. Now however, I feel all alone when making decisions. I am angry because I know that if I spent time talking to God, He would lead me in the right direction. He would tell me if I was pursuing a degree for the wrong reasons. He wouldn't sugarcoat things. He would give it to me straight. But since I have chosen to keep God on a backburner, I have to stumble around in the dark, desperately seeking the answers I want.
Once you have had an encounter with God, you will never be the same. Being on an intimate level with God, and then not having that relationship to hold on to anymore is devestating. I know God loves me, nothing will ever shake that belief, but instead of being a close companion like He once was in my life, he is more of an associate I wave to on my way to get coffee in the morning. "Hey God, how are ya today?" He waves, and I keep on walking by. I don't stay and chat with Him. I don't pull out a chair and sit with Him over coffee. I don't tell Him how things are sucking in my life right now, and how I'm aimlessly grasping at the wind. I don't tell Him how empty life has been since I walked away from Him four years ago. No. I wave casually and then rush to my office cubicle, hoping He won't follow me inside.
I know God wants a relationship with me, and I desperately want one with Him, but my sneaking suspicion is that the very bad thing I did four years ago, is keeping me from entering into a relationship with Him again. Yeah, I screwed up pretty bad four years ago, and it totally blew my relationship with God off course. I could have gotten up from that bad situation, brushed myself off, repented, and kept the momentum of our relationship going, but instead I allowed my sin to drive a wedge between us. Things have never been the same.
I need God. My heart longs for Him. My soul cries out for Him. I feel like a lonely wanderer on this earth. I love my husband and my family, but nothing compares to Jesus, nothing ever will. My marriage has changed, I feel it in the atmosphere. I need God to intervene, but I won't take the time to talk to Him. I am at a crossroads in my life about whether to continue with my education or pursue other dreams I have, but I have no compass to point me in the right direction. If I prayed earnestly, if I got off the computer, turned off the tv, prayed and waited for an answer, I know I would have peace. I know the thunderings, and the things that are bubbling in my marriage would be calm. I could have peace and rest...but I choose a different route. A route of procrastination. The route that allows for idle time and passionless pursuits. The route of media overload that numbs my senses to what I am missing out on. It is the easy route. On this route I don't have to bare myself to God, I don't have to face the past four years and the mistakes I have made. I can put it off for another day and hope that God doesn't choose this day to return...because then He would find me unprepared.
I don't know where you are in your walk with God, or if you even believe in Him at all, but I know we share a common thread of hoping for the future. Do we not all have hopes, dreams we aspire to, great aspirations for our children? We do. What I know is that these aspirations mean nothing if my relationship with Christ is not correct. One day (maybe) I will walk across the stage and accept my Masters degree in social work. One day, I will have the house in a nice neighborhood, a neighborhood where children have more than empty cans and trash to play with. One day I will have the nice car, and all the nice things that money can buy, but if I don't have God, if I only have a fraction of Him in my life, than it is worthless. It has no meaning. Life has no meaning without Him. Direction for my life is what I need at this moment in time, but meaning for my life is the ultimate goal. I hope one day I will get there.
I want my children to see me succeed. I want them to see that despite the fact we live in a very poor city, where most of the people barely graduate high school, that a person can beat the odds. Getting a degree would obviously mean more money, but then there are different ways to get more money that do not involve hour upon hour of sitting in classes and getting lectured. What is the real motivation, I wonder? The motivation is what puzzles me. If I don't know why I am getting a degree, or if the motivation seems superficial, than why am I still pursuing it after so many years?
This is where God comes in, or where He should come in anyway. I admit, my relationship with the Lord has not been what it was a few years ago, or what it could be if I put forth a little more effort. Sure, I say a quick prayer on the ride to work, and every now and then, if I am feeling very energized, I might even spend fifteen minutes reading the Bible and talking to God. For the most part though, my efforts to get to know God on an intimate level again, have been lacking. Not having God be a constant part of my daily life has affected me greatly, yet I still find that I am stuck.
There was a time, before I got married, when God was my all. I was a single mother of two with a very low income. I had no choice but to turn to God and trust in Him to provide for me and my children. During this time I spent hours praying, I devoted so much time to getting to know God and fixing myself. I got to know God in an intimate way that many people never bother to pursue. Even though money was tight and oftentimes things seemed to be falling apart, during this time I had utter faith that God would come through-and He did, time and time again.
I long for those days when my faith took me places the physical realm would not. I long for the days when I had peace, no matter what was going on around me, when I had a constant reassurance that things would turn out okay. It's not that I no longer believe God, but rather that the faith I have now is diluted a bit, watered down with the cares of this world. When God was number one, I didn't spend hours debating if a choice I was making or thinking to make was the correct choice. I would pray about it, ask God for guidance, He would lead me and there would be peace. I knew the decisions I was making were the right ones. Now however, I feel all alone when making decisions. I am angry because I know that if I spent time talking to God, He would lead me in the right direction. He would tell me if I was pursuing a degree for the wrong reasons. He wouldn't sugarcoat things. He would give it to me straight. But since I have chosen to keep God on a backburner, I have to stumble around in the dark, desperately seeking the answers I want.
Once you have had an encounter with God, you will never be the same. Being on an intimate level with God, and then not having that relationship to hold on to anymore is devestating. I know God loves me, nothing will ever shake that belief, but instead of being a close companion like He once was in my life, he is more of an associate I wave to on my way to get coffee in the morning. "Hey God, how are ya today?" He waves, and I keep on walking by. I don't stay and chat with Him. I don't pull out a chair and sit with Him over coffee. I don't tell Him how things are sucking in my life right now, and how I'm aimlessly grasping at the wind. I don't tell Him how empty life has been since I walked away from Him four years ago. No. I wave casually and then rush to my office cubicle, hoping He won't follow me inside.
I know God wants a relationship with me, and I desperately want one with Him, but my sneaking suspicion is that the very bad thing I did four years ago, is keeping me from entering into a relationship with Him again. Yeah, I screwed up pretty bad four years ago, and it totally blew my relationship with God off course. I could have gotten up from that bad situation, brushed myself off, repented, and kept the momentum of our relationship going, but instead I allowed my sin to drive a wedge between us. Things have never been the same.
I need God. My heart longs for Him. My soul cries out for Him. I feel like a lonely wanderer on this earth. I love my husband and my family, but nothing compares to Jesus, nothing ever will. My marriage has changed, I feel it in the atmosphere. I need God to intervene, but I won't take the time to talk to Him. I am at a crossroads in my life about whether to continue with my education or pursue other dreams I have, but I have no compass to point me in the right direction. If I prayed earnestly, if I got off the computer, turned off the tv, prayed and waited for an answer, I know I would have peace. I know the thunderings, and the things that are bubbling in my marriage would be calm. I could have peace and rest...but I choose a different route. A route of procrastination. The route that allows for idle time and passionless pursuits. The route of media overload that numbs my senses to what I am missing out on. It is the easy route. On this route I don't have to bare myself to God, I don't have to face the past four years and the mistakes I have made. I can put it off for another day and hope that God doesn't choose this day to return...because then He would find me unprepared.
I don't know where you are in your walk with God, or if you even believe in Him at all, but I know we share a common thread of hoping for the future. Do we not all have hopes, dreams we aspire to, great aspirations for our children? We do. What I know is that these aspirations mean nothing if my relationship with Christ is not correct. One day (maybe) I will walk across the stage and accept my Masters degree in social work. One day, I will have the house in a nice neighborhood, a neighborhood where children have more than empty cans and trash to play with. One day I will have the nice car, and all the nice things that money can buy, but if I don't have God, if I only have a fraction of Him in my life, than it is worthless. It has no meaning. Life has no meaning without Him. Direction for my life is what I need at this moment in time, but meaning for my life is the ultimate goal. I hope one day I will get there.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Happy Anniversary
Today is my three year wedding anniversary. Perhaps I am still in newlywed stage, but I must tell you this marriage thing has been pretty easy. Yes, we have had some bad days. We have argued. We have disagreed. But for the most part, my marriage has been a true blessing, and my husband, the greatest gift. This is a far cry from what we hear on television. Watching the newest prime time comedy, one would think marriage was a joke, too difficult for anyone to partake of with ease. For some people, particularly those who did not think it through before taking the plunge, marriage can be a hassle, but when you have a marriage that is centered on God, things become a little easier.
We didn't do anything major. There were no cards or flowers, but I woke up next to my husband and that is enough. Some women get caught up in the romance and presents. These are nice, but I prefer love on a consistent, everyday basis. I don't want to be treated like garbage every other day of the year and be surprised with roses on my anniversary. The roses would mean nothing. They would wither away. But love that is true, and consistent is never out of bloom. For all those basking in the glow of true love, congratulations, and may God bless you with many more.
We didn't do anything major. There were no cards or flowers, but I woke up next to my husband and that is enough. Some women get caught up in the romance and presents. These are nice, but I prefer love on a consistent, everyday basis. I don't want to be treated like garbage every other day of the year and be surprised with roses on my anniversary. The roses would mean nothing. They would wither away. But love that is true, and consistent is never out of bloom. For all those basking in the glow of true love, congratulations, and may God bless you with many more.
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