Pity Party

Most days I am content with what I have.  I don't have much and most of the time I don't expect much.  Every now and then though, like days when my account has a zero balance, I start thinking about all the things I don't have and why I don't have them.  So what happened is that in the last two months I got hit with about $40 in fees from the bank. Normally I'm really on point with my account but because of a few mistakes I was out $40.  Now, for lots of people 40 is not much, but for me it is.  This is where the sadness comes in.  Today I am throwing a pity party.  Not so much because I lost $40 that could have been used for something else, but because $40 matters at all.  Why does $40 matter?  If I go to work I should have something to show for it.

I know I shouldn't stress about these things and I try not to.  I have an awesome family and I am in pretty good health.  I'm saved darnit! That should be enough.  The Bible talks about this.  How we see people who don't seem to be good people and it seems like they are prospering and flourishing.  Yet, here we are saved and we are struggling.  Why is that? I pay my tithes, I give to those who are needy, and yet...there always seems to be "just enough", hardly ever "more than enough".  I try to keep a positive outlook. I remind myself that I have been through worse days, and worse things.  I am a survivor of abuse. There was a time when there was no hope.  I was living in the projects at one point.  My life has gotten much better.  That's not going to prevent me from having a pity party today though.  Hey, you're invited if you want to come.  If I had any cake left over from yesterday I would bring that and we could all sit around and stuff ourselves, but alas I ate the last piece.