So I never intended for this to be a place of constant negativity. After having a bad day I'm sure you don't want to come here and hear about my bad day. Since I have no friends and no one to vent to, it happens that this has become the place where I lay out my frustrations. My frustrations come from many sources as of late. For about a year prior to this I was coasting. Life was great. Things were looking up. I knew to enjoy it because I knew it would not last. Alas, it came to pass that things are looking down now and have been for the last few months.
It began a few months ago. My husband and I rarely argue; we discuss. The last few months have been quite different. Arguments are springing up out of nowhere, mostly about nonsense. It's funny that once the arguing starts, you get angry, and then you react to everything in the worst way. The winds of change have come and the last two weeks have been good on the marriage scene. But the kids? Well, that's a different story.
In my home it is impossible for all three children to be on their best behavior at the same time. When one is behaving and being angelic, the other must compensate by being a jerk. Sulking, back talking, eye rolling...all those annoying little bad habits. It's bad enough I have to deal with it, it gets worse when my husband has to witness it. Why? Well, because like most people he and I have slightly different philosophies about how children should be raised and how and when they should be disciplined. I often find myself wondering if I am handling the situation the right way.
The blended family is very difficult. God knows how our marriage has coasted along so smoothly considering that fact. There are times when things get sticky. When his son from a prior relationship comes to visit for the summer it throws the household in a roar for a few days, until everyone gets adjusted again. When my son rolls his eyes at my husband things get strained. I am always in the middle and that is always an uncomfortable position to be in.
I expect my child to respect my husband. I would love it so much if their relationship was always smooth but things just don't work out that way. I feel like it is always a power struggle between them and it annoys me. I wonder if my son will one day look back and consider how fortunate he was to have a step dad who filled in the gap for his father, and I wonder if my husband will ever look back and think how great it was to have a son to fill in the gap when his other son wasn't around. Until that day I suppose I will find myself quite often playing the role of referee and mediator. It's a tough job but someone's got to do it.
It's the hardest part of divorce and remarrying. That is, the realtionship between the new spouse and the children of the former. As to whether or not respect is ever achieved? Well, let's just say every case is different. My sister's kids have respect for their step dad, but they do not have the same level of respect that they do for their own father. They appease the wishes of their mother, but it's difficult to ascertain whether or not they'll ever look back at their step dad with the same emotional connection that they do with their own father.
ReplyDeleteOnly time will tell in their case. Only time will tell in your case. Just always keep in mind that while respect may be a good rule to have in your house, acting respectful and truly being respectful are two very different things. The latter is earned.